Dave's Insanity Sauce I've had

Dave's Insanity Sauce
I've had a bottle of this stuff for ages and it is wonderful but heed this advice on testing it!

1. cook large pot of rice (alternative: buy large loaf of bread)
2. open bottle, being very careful not to get any sauce on your fingers
3. take one tine of a fork and gently scrape a very very very thin layer of sauce from around the rim of the bottle
4. if you have sauce on two tines, wash the fork and start over with a new fork
5. if what you have on your fork could rightfully be construed as a "dab", throw away the fork immediately, you've ruined it
6. quickly and promptly rub the sauce-veiled tine over your lips. do not, under any circumstances, allow the sauce to touch your tongue
7. wait 3.2 seconds
8. scream in agony
9. eat entire pot of rice in a futile attempt to calm the everlasting flame within you (alternative: eat entire loaf of bread). water will not help you, you must use something substantial that can soak up the spices
10. never kiss your wife again

from diveintomark/Travel day