I could feel the moment an emotion attached to one of my thoughts. I watched and realised it was at this instant, of attachment, that the thought became an entity and took on the power to seduce. This was the point I would attach to it and would start to believe in it. Up until that moment thoughts had been completely empty – innocuous little things. Once charged with emotion they became powerful and potentially dangerous, malleable to whatever meaning I’d chosen to give them. I saw that every conscious thought had been activated by an emotion. Thoughts, being empty, did not – could not - hold any message. It was all about emotion – the emotion that had attached to the thought. That was where the message lay. It made a mockery of all our supposedly objective intellectual discussions.
This has thrown my entire perception into chaos. I thrive on thoughts. I live for ideas. And now I discover they are empty? Someone has shaken my little world, turned it upside down, and dumped me out of my cardboard box. I’m completely disorientated. My whole concept of reality has been brought into question.
I’m writing as usual, much of it an attempt to explain this thing, but every time I read over a piece this new perception breezes in and I watch my thoughts fold like a castle of cards toppled in the wind. It’s not just my words, but even the most intelligent, articulate ideas seem futile. All those beautifully crafted words seem nothing more than empty structures built on lies. Words themselves seem to get in the way of the truth.