I need to remember this

The shared belief that we have the power to govern others' emotions, at least those to whom we have some emotional relationship, facilitates efforts at control and the exercise of authority. When a parent says, "Don't make me angry," they're teaching their children that they have some power over their parents' emotions; and that when a parent gets angry, that it's somehow the child's responsibility. When a spouse says, "You hurt my feelings," that spouse places responsibility for their feelings on their partner. Both are largely unconscious efforts at control. It's also part of our culture and our beliefs about love. "You made me feel so very happy," suggests that our happiness is out there, somewhere, if we only found that one person who has the power to make us feel, "so very happy, baby." It adds an element of drama to how we perceive our emotional lives. We're all "holding out for a hero."

Groundhog Day